I have always valued honesty and one of my character traits, like it or not, is blunt honesty (I sugar coat it on occasion) so I am sharing with you this post.
I have the Baby Blues.
There, I said it. I love Summer completely but my high expectations combined with the hormone imbalance of childbirth has put me in the "baby blues" category. I want to be real. I want to be that person who told you the truth so that even though you may not experience it yourself, you will at least know it can happen to someone you know.
I think my expectations of mother and baby were so high because I never had a reason to lower them. I had only heard of friends and family having babies...the baby is adorable and then the family is complete...the end. I spent the past 9 months drooling over how cute her nursery was and how I was going to play dress up with her that I was surprised/blindsighted by how much work is involved in being a mother...how much sacrifice of your time and your own physical needs and therefore not meeting up to the expectations I had set for myself. I felt/feel guilty that I am not perkier, more social and generally happier. After all, I just had that greatest blessing given to me. And I do feel grateful and blessed but also anxious.
I have a fussy baby. I understand that this is a phase and she will grow out of it at some point but it was a disappointment (it took guts to right that word) when she went from our Angel baby the first 2 weeks who did nothing but sleep, eat and look adorable to a baby that slept less and cried during her awake hours. When she is asleep I feel relief that the crying has stopped. When we are in public I keep her sun shade closed to keep her asleep for fear of her having a meltdown. In my mind these are bad feelings.
I asked my doctor today for some medication to help me get through this. Chalk me up as a statistic of our generation...I have asked for a happy pill. Yes, I could probably talk this through with someone but I don't have the time or energy to talk these days. I need something to get me back to normal...medication to balance my out-of-wak hormones.
This is what is happening with me. It may not happen to you but if it does you can be relieved that you are not the only one.
I am not a pity case. I am not sitting in a room crying all day (that's Summer, just kidding) so please don't think that. I am simply a new mom trying to figure it out and thought that someone might benefit from knowing the real story behind this blogger.
11 comments:
Jana...You have real guts. You should be a writer. The next Dear Abby. You will make it through this. Summer is a beautiful girl and so are you. Your heart is in the right place. Thank God you are Summer's mother. You're doing a great job and you will get through this...I promise. Love, Doug
First of all I wanted to tell you that Summer is precious!! Just keep trying to tell yourself that it does get easier. Although I still have plenty of challenging days with a 2 year old and a 7 month old, nothing compares to how difficult the first few months are. I hope you start feeling better quickly. Thanks for your honesty. I think the baby blues are actually way more common than most people think but most moms won't talk about it!
Sis,
I think Summer may just be wanting to see her Uncle Bud. That is why she is crying. I remember you used to do that as a little girl when you wanted your bubby to play with you. This will pass. Those hormone things are crazy. Glad I am a guy. I know that you speak the truth. I know that your life has changed so much since Summer's arrival. What a blessing she is to yall and to the whole family and to the world.
Jen and I love yall so much and will be praying for you. You are so strong and it is ok to have these feelings. I would guess that everyone does to some point. This is all speculation as I don't know myself, but this is just a phase all of you are going through. Summer will go through many of these and so will yall. Just keep the faith.
Love you
Uncle Bud
I am so sorry that you are having to go through it. I really think that ALL moms go through this, even though they may not want to admit it! You are certainly not alone. I had many of the same feelings and IT IS OK to admit that you need some help. Both of our babies were fussy babies (one with colic the other was just fussy)! The good news? You and Summer will pull out of this fog and you will look back and wish you had those days back (eve with the crying) because it goes by sooooo fast! My mom (and now I) would always remind me, "This too shall pass!" Better words could not be spoken and it always made me stop and take the moment for what it was and remind myself that I wanted to remember these times as good times with my Angels and not bad! I'm not gonna lie - MOTHERHOOD IS HARDER THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!And it's ok to admit that and it's ok that we can't always live up to our own (sometimes unreasonable) expectations. I'm thinking about you and praying that you can hear everyone's words of encouragement!
I'm proud of you Jana and I'm here for you too. Please don't hesitate to call me if you need some sunshine or just to vent. Or, give me permission and I will barge my way in bringing sweet treats and smiles for you, Summer and Chad. Having not been a mama yet myself, I don't know exactly what to do or say...but I am here. Another blog I read, www.dooce.com is and has gone through something very similar. She actually just had a baby herself and blogs about the Baby Blues and taking medication very candidly. She also has a book, "It sucked and then I cried." Perhaps it might help reading stories (funny stories)about a woman going through a similar situation. Sending all my love and support your way.
Hey Jana, I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but it really is quite normal. I'm sorry that no one around you was candid enough with you to tell you that it's hard work, but honestly, you probably wouldn't have listened. I was the same way with Maggie. You just expect things especially when you're a generally organized, scheduled person. I thought I'd be the "exception". There is a a lot of healing in writing your feelings. I'm glad you had the courage. Motherhood has so many opportunities to trust the Lord. Sometimes we have to be brought to such lows to see how much we need him every moment of every day. A book I loved to read while feeding/rocking Maggie while she was crying was "Praying the Scriptures for Your Child". It's such a great reminder of your role in her life. I will say a prayer for you right now.
Thank you so much for your honesty and courage to post your feelings! Having a baby is a BIG adjustment and it will take time to get used to it. It does happen to all moms and I am glad you have reached out for help from your doctor and also your moms group is a good place to go and feel that you are not alone. Many people suffer in silence and pretend that every thing is fine. You are doing a fantastic job with Summer! Keep hanging in there girl. It gets a lot better! I think Summer is crying because she wants to come to FL!! Love you bunches!
xoxo
Mook
i have always been really honest about the fact that i was really in a funk after both the boys. and some days with these 2 needing me more and more it feels like i passed the baby blues and moved onto toddler blues and perhaps its even the school-age blues!
you are a great mom - summer is blessed and she will benefit from your candid way of sharing yourself.
i know you probably don't want company so tomorrow i am going to make extra dinner, drop it on your doorstep and leave. when you hear the knock, don't get up - its just me.
love you Jana.
When I spoke to Chad yesterday he bragged about Summer’s mom. We all brag on our Jana. Those of us with colic kids, Hunter was mine, understand what you are going through. Your insight shows wisdom beyond your years.
Jana, thanks for sharing your feelings and what is going on! I too never realized how HARD it was to be a mommy especially those first 6-8 weeks of them being newborns. I had horrible baby blues after Ellie Kate. She was a very hard baby and had really bad acid reflux. She didn't sleep well, eat well, and really just wanted to be held all the time. I would go back to my room and just cry and cry for no apparent reason. And then I would feel guilty because I loved her so much and had worked so hard to acheive a pregnancy and birth. Anyway, just wanted to echo everyone else's comments to let you know that you are not alone and that it will get better, I promise!!! The first 8 weeks are true survival and then after that it slowly starts to get better. I'll be praying that you get through this time and start feeling more normal!
Hey Girl - hang in there. You will look back on these days and pat yourself on the back. Mommyhood is hard and there is no need to feel guilty about the blues or taking the happy pill - from the ladies of New Jersey housewives (yes, I am embarassed to admit I do watch this) happy wife = happy life. Believe me if you go out with Summer and you have a crooked ponytail, good for you, because that means you are getting out of the house and that is the biggest accomplishment of all!!! Hang in there!
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